Finding a partner is one of the most significant life decisions that you will make. Whether they flirt in line at Starbucks, peruse hundreds of profiles on dating websites or ask their pals to arrange dates, people devote enormous amounts of time and energy to the process of finding a mate that will be by their side for decades to come.

The key to a long-term relationship is finding someone with whom you can share your core values and life vision, who is emotionally mature and capable of open communication, fostering understanding and resolving conflicts constructively. But before you start looking for someone else to be with for the rest of your life, you must first focus on becoming a healthier and more loving version of yourself.

Your partner should be able to empathize with your struggles and share their own stories of loss, hardship and disappointment without judging you. This quality, called compassion, is a key component to healthy relationships, explains registered psychotherapist Parisa Ghanbari. “It allows us to feel more connected with others, and helps reduce feelings of loneliness and isolation,” she says.

Another critical trait to look for in a potential partner is their sense of humor. It should be easy for both of you to laugh together, especially at yourself. Having a lighthearted personality can help ward off arguments that may arise in a relationship, especially when it comes to serious subjects like money or kids.

A good way to test how well you will get along with your future partner is to spend some time in a close friendship, such as joining a book club or exercise class. This can give you the chance to see if you enjoy each other’s company outside of the romance and will still be there for each other when you are both busy with other commitments.

Finally, it’s important to Find a partner who shares your interest in new activities and beliefs that expand your self-concept, as this can add freshness to your relationship over the years. This can also prevent the kind of boredom that can cause long-term couples to drift apart, according to researchers at Bowling Green State University in Ohio.

It’s a good idea to create a list of qualities that are important to you in a partner, such as honesty, a strong work ethic, financial stability and a great sense of humor. This will help you narrow down your search for the perfect person and avoid settling. It’s also a good idea to ask for advice from trusted friends who have successful relationships. They can give you pointers on things to look for in a potential partner and also offer advice about things that have caused them to go through tough times in their own relationships.